It is time once again for me to report back on what I’ve been watching / listening to / reading / consuming.

Let’s say, hypothetically, I’m walking down the street and somebody stops me, puts a gun to my head and demands that I identify what I consider to be one of the best music videos of the last 35 years; a hypothetical that is all too realistic in our violent, take-obsessed culture. That’s easy, asshole, I’d say, its the video for “Weapon of Choice” by Fatboy Slim featuring Bootsy Collins.

Then I’d reach out and put my hand gently on my assailant’s cheek. You’re gonna have to do a lot better than that, squire, I say as I pat him twice, the first time gently and the second closer to a smack; just enough for a little sting. I walk away and proceed to the post office to mail a letter to McDonald’s corporate, begging them to bring back the Grimace Milkshake because I wasn’t able to get one last time and also why aren’t we celebrating Grimace’s birthday every year.

This is how highly I’ve regarded the “Weapon of Choice” video for years, and for good reason. A 90s-era Christopher Walken soft-shoes around an empty hotel, direction by a young Spike Jonze, what’s not to love? Its the kind of thing where if we were in a cartoon and you asked me if I was paying attention to you, I’d say yes, then a thought bubble would appear above my head and this is what would be playing in it.

And yet! I was on my third attempt at getting through David Lynch’s Dune (1984) when young Kyle MacLachlan uttered the line “Walk without rhythm and we won’t attract the worm”, explaining the arythmic pattern of walking in the desert needed to avoid detection by the giant sandworms on the planet Arrakis otherwise known as Dune - blah blah I’ll spare you. I jerked up from my prone position on the couch in recognition. The line from the Fatboy Slim song is “walk without rhythm, and it won’t attract the worm” - does this song reference Dune? A brief bit of research revealed that IT DOES. The song is riddled with allusions to the story of Paul Atreides, including making mention of the Voice as the titular “weapon of choice”. I also learned that the internet was already on this case way back when it was announced that Christopher Walken was going to be in 2024’s Dune Part 2, but it was a new discovery for me and I should be allowed to enjoy that, dammit. Anyway, this music video might now be promoted to the apex of culture.

Apple TV+ is the number one streaming service for shows that look incredibly well made and expensive that zero people know exist. This is why when I started watching Franklin and I felt that this was a show made specifically for me, I had to consider the possibility that I may in fact be the only person watching it. Go ahead, talk to any normal person in your life and tell them that right now there is a whole show where Michael Douglas plays Benjamin Franklin, farts, and tries to get laid and they will say nah that sounds made up. That’s because Franklin is for freaks and sick individuals like myself who sit at the intersection of being interested in a show where Michael Douglas plays a founding father and knowing what Apple TV+ is.

In the show, good ol’ Ben Franklin and his grandson Temple (Noah Jupe) go cavorting about in France while trying to drum up some support for the American troops who are getting their asses handed to them in the Revolutionary War. They get in to a bunch of grandfather/grandson hijinks, pursue romantic interest, deal with gout, operate a big honking printing press, bungle the french language, all kinds of fun stuff. Big, beautiful sets, exquisite costumes, and multiple scenes where people are having conversations with Ben Franklin while he takes a piss on a tree. I’m watching an episode right now as I type this and it seems we’re in for some sort of Odd Couple storyline between Franklin and John Adams who has come over to France to keep things in line and seems like a real nerd and a party pooper. Giving Franklin guff for breakfasting at 10:14 am? Kick rocks, Adams, Ben Franklin is a fun party dude who wanted the turkey to be our national bird. What a prick.

One of the best things that has happened to me this year¹ is discovering the feature on MLB.TV where you can toggle the audio source when watching a game. This means I can watch the Guardians play on the Bally Sports video feed while listening to the radio broadcast of WTAM 1100. Tom Hamilton is the radio guy for the Guards; he has been one of the best in the business for a long time, and is now something of an elder statesman of the trade. His recent highlights include the calling of Jose Ramirez folding Tim Anderson like laundry. And when I want to make myself cry/flirt with an emotional spiral, I’ll watch him call Rajai Davis’s homer to tie up game 7 of the 2016 World Series². So it has certainly been a treat to listen to him call games while I watch them. Its the ideal balance of audio/visual entertainment PLUS it allows me to keep tabs on whether or not today’s lucky contestant will win 4 free tires from Conrad’s if the Guardians score 4 or more runs in the 4th inning. Though of course, the contestant is already a winner, because by being selected they get a free deluxe car wash from the good folks at Blue Falls Car Wash.

I’m not the greatest cook, but I enjoy cooking and take satisfaction at gradually improving at something over time. Often my approach will be to pick something to make and make it over and over again (spread out over time, not like cranking out 6 pot roasts in a row or something) while making adjustments and refinements along the way. The last month or so has involved experimentation in finding my preferred ratios for a honey dijon vinaigrette, and right now I’ve settled on a 1 T dijon, 2 T (slightly less than 2T if I’m honest) honey, 3 T red wine vinegar ratio with 1/3 cup olive oil and some salt. Basic stuff, but this is the kind of thing you need to have on lock at some point. Added benefit, I’ve been eating a lot of salads to get through these batches of vinaigrette. Also, just to head off the haters, I know this is very similar to Nora Ephron’s vinaigrette, where do you think I draw inspiration from, you philistines?

¹ Also on the list in no particular order is the birth of a nephew, getting a new job, and upping my time spent in a sauna from the year prior by a margin of about 500%

² Its funny, for as monumental as that game was, I can’t seem to remember what happened after that home run………………………………………….